Sunday, September 23, 2012

Setting the record strait!


      First of all when I started this blog I really thought two people might actually read it. Those two people were my mother in law and my mom. They were really the reason I started it so they could see the grandkids and what they are up to every day. The other reason was just a journal of sorts for all the pictures I take. I would LOVE to be the type of person to make beautiful scrap book but I simply am not that person. Over the last few day I have become painfully aware of two things. One being that for some reason people read my blog. I looked the other day at the stats of views and was shocked. Number two ( as my stomach is churning and my heart is pounding) that people have the wrong image of me as a mom and as a women. I think once a day and on on occasion this week twice in a day I heard the comment " I love your blog you do such a better job with your kids than I do". I also heard "how do you keep it all together with three kids"? Every time I heard this I wanted to melt into the ground. I say this with the most humble heart, this is not a ploy or a plot to make people change thier view of me. While Its nice to know people high high thoughts of me it saddens me at the same time. I never want people to be disillusioned by me. I do not even even remotely have it "all together". So let me break it down for you. Most days I feel like I have one foot in the looney bin and one foot on a banana peel. Three kids 3 and under and a husband who travels from time to time is hard. If you see me in public and I have make up on there is a 99.9% chance I was putting it on at every stop light ( and maybe driving) on the way to where ever it is that I am seeing you. I am vain for the most part I don't like going out with my hair not done. So what you didn't see was my kids tearing up the house while I insist on doing my hair. I run around like a chicken with my head cut off most days. I am not creative for the most part I am just really good at ripping people's ideas off on pintrest and reading blogs. I am not good with kids, as a matter of fact I don't really like them for the most part. I don't want to homeschool my kids at all. Do you find that shocking?
      Here is what I do want you to know.  All of the above is 100% true. My life is crazy but I love all of it. People are shocked to hear I don't want to homeschool and that i am doing it anyway. There are very few things I know without a doubt I am called to do. I fight God on a regular basis in this area. But I know i am called to homeschool my kids and be the best mom I can be right now. Like I said I don't like kids I was terrible in school, mosy days i wonder how can I do this. But the Lord has made it crystal clear this is my calling. I had a conversation with a friend the other day about this. She made a great point, the Lord never calls you to where you are strong. Clearly he went for my weakest of weak area.  I never want other moms to think I think less of them for not homeschooling. We as a family just have our personal convictions that have led us to this point. I am learning daily most of the time minute by minute to lean on God for strength and to ask for help. I need lots of help. Thankfully I have help, a husband who pitches in, and parents and in laws who help with kids. It takes a village around here. I say all of this to really say one thing. Most days the wheels are all but  falling off of the bus. I do not have it together or even have it close to together. If on the outside we  seem to have it all together please don't be disillusioned. I invite you to take a front row seat for a few minutes and just watch the circus we call our daily life. We are just like you. My kids have major melt downs, yell kick and scream at each other. My house gets messy, my car get even worse. I dig through the laundry pile just like every other mom. Those who know me well are probably wondering who in the world thought she of all people " have it together" and are laughing. Those are my exact thoughts as well. I wish moms/women were more honest with each other to admit they don't have it all together or feel the pressure to have it together.  So there it is folks I DO NOT have it together. What I do have is grace that the Lord gives me everyday to give it my best shot. That's all I am doing is trying the best I can through the strength He gives me. If any way I have ever made you feel like I think I have it all together please know it is never my intention. 

1 comment:

  1. Very well said girlie! I may have a bit of insight into your life not just because I know you but because we have the same circus at our house. Regardless of it all you are an amazing mother and woman because you are doing what God has called you to do. I think its safe to say you inspire other moms...I know this because you inspire me ;)

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